So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
