Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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