could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
