I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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