Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
