Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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