I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize