Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
