so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
