Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
