This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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