i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
