How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
