I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
