I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
