I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
