I will die if light touches me.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
