R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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