i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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