I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
