It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
