clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
