i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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