I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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