I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
