she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
