I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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