Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
