there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize