you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
