guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
