He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
