I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize