I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
