You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
