Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
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