Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize