I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
