We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
