I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
