You don't have asthma, your pregnant
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
