I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
sarcasm needs its own font
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Mom said you looked used
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
