Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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