i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Mom said you looked used
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
