just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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