So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
