Don't you send me to vm
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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