How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
