why didn't you poke me back
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
