She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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