You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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