Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
