evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
