Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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