dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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