Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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