Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
