The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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