When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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