i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
