I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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