Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Houston, we have a squirter
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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