just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
