Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
