I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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