I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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