What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
