Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
