I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The best revenge is premature balding
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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