I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Randomize
