you win again, gameday.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
