she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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